Tim Lambesis talks As I Lay Dying break up, leaked footage, and struggle with anxiety

In an appearance on personal branding coach Justin Wenzel's show, As I Lay Dying frontman Tim Lambesis broke his silence on the tumultuous events that have defined his recent years and the past few months, as his band fell apart right around the release of AILD's aptly titled album, Through Storms Ahead.
A portion of the interview focused on the weight of Lambesis's past, particularly his 2013 charge and subsequent conviction for hiring a hitman to murder his then-wife. Lambesis described how the fallout from that period — losing access to his children, public condemnation, and personal shame — created a void that he's struggled to fill.
Lambesis also reflected, as transcribed below by ThePRP, on the implosion of As I Lay Dying's most recent lineup, which began disbanding in late 2024 after a series of high-profile departures. In the interview, he admitted that his struggles with anxiety and personal turmoil had become impossible to hide, ultimately driving a wedge between himself and his bandmates.
"I chose to make it that way, but that was my own fault. It doesn't have to be that way… living with a person in a bus and all that, I'm responsible for making sure that there is health in my own life and personal concern between the people I'm working with and I didn't prioritize that enough."
The disintegration of the band followed months of cryptic statements from departing members Phil Sgrosso, Ryan Neff, Ken Susi, and Nick Pierce, all hinting at moral and personal boundaries being tested. While Lambesis initially vowed to rebuild As I Lay Dying yet again, the release of private footage showing heated disputes with his most recent wife Dany added another layer to the story.
The footage, which circulated widely online, depicted Lambesis in moments of erratic behavior, pacing, yelling, and even self-harm. He addressed the footage on the podcast, describing it as the result of anxiety and claiming it was leaked as retaliation after he filed for divorce. He also alleged a pattern of verbal and mental abuse in the marriage.
"I think it just really comes down to the amount of anxiety I had on a relationship level, that I just carried on a regular basis, of like, not understanding. I just don't understand how you could be with a person and not be kind to them, and, like, really mess with my head to the point where I just would wake up with anxiety. I'd go to sleep with anxiety.
And to me, being that version of myself, it was inevitable I was going to push everybody else away, right? Because how do you how do you connect with a person that's drowning in anxiety constantly, but won't talk to you about it?
I wasn't going to talk about it, because I didn't want to let anybody know how deeply unhealthy things were, because then they would tell me, I have to leave the relationship. But I wanted to find a way to fight and stay, right?
So, I just kept it in, kept it in, and they're like, you know, people are just saying, like, 'Tim's acting less and less like himself', like, 'I'm concerned, what is going on?' I never yelled at anybody or argued with anybody, or we never had fights. It wasn't like that. It was just like, from afar, they were like, 'This dude just feels like he's falling apart, like, what's going on?'
And the irony is that the relationship ended — my relationship ended — at the same time that those guys sort of gave up, per se. I'm not blaming them, but the solution occurred at the same time that they felt like they no longer were… They didn't want… They didn't want to stick around, because they felt like there was no solution, right?"
Lambesis claims that his personal struggles created a toxic environment for those around him, including his bandmates. He shared how his tendency to isolate himself, particularly during moments when his anxiety was heightened, only deepened rifts within the group.
"Yeah. I mean.. verbal arguments and stuff. Or, you know, you'd be like, hey, where did they go? Where did Tim… Me and my ex would go, [leaving his bandmates] [we would] just be gone for the last two hours, like we're waiting for him…
And it just was, that whole, I'm just scratching my head and being like, how can I resolve conflict? And there was, there was no way to possibly resolve [it.] I'm always looking for a way to resolve conflict. It's within my nature. Maybe it's the codependent thing, like you're talking about. So I just like all I care about is resolving it."
Now, Lambesis seems focused on addressing the internal battles that have shaped his life over the past decade, many that he has often avoided addressing out of fear of judgment. Losing access to his children, coupled with public condemnation, has been a constant undercurrent in his life — a source of pain he admits he's struggled to confront openly.
"I think for people that are like 'Ah man, this dude's had every opportunity.' I think that that's a criticism that's warranted. Because it's like, man, I've had plenty of opportunities to take a step back and heal from that, but I never wanted to talk about it. Because I felt like, to some degree, there was this belief that if I try to say something… When you talk about somebody losing their kids, it's natural to feel sympathy towards them, right?
And if I'm talking about something where [people will] feel like, 'Oh, he's trying to gain sympathy for how he feels', or what he went through, then I know, for me, because I'm a public figure this, that's a bad look, right? It's like, oh, 'that dude's a narcissist', or he's trying to do whatever. So, I just I didn't talk about it. I didn't talk about it.
You know, 12 years ago is when I was arrested and in the last 12 years, I maybe talked, just acknowledged, that loss, like once or twice, very, very briefly. And avoiding that to me was a real problem. So I just can't do anything but come out and say man, that's the route that makes sense.
But there's something freeing in finally acknowledging that thing I didn't want to talk about, or if I did talk about it once a year for a couple minutes, [there's] something freeing about it. If it's 12 years later and I gotta cry about it a 100 more times then that's what I've gotta do."
With that said, Lambesis says he has wrestled a fine line between vulnerability and the perception of seeking pity. "Pity is kind of gross," he said, instead choosing to ignore addressing feelings his feelings in puiblic but now feels like he needs to take ownership of his healing journey, free from the need for sympathy.
"There's clearly been something that's been unaddressed for the last twelve years of my life, or just scratch the surface of it… If you have something traumatic happen and it creates a void in your heart and you feel like you shouldn't talk about it, you're not allowed to talk about it, or nobody wants to give you sympathy, or if you did get sympathy for it… you'd be called a narcissist. I had to put all that aside and just say, 'I don't care what people say.'
I have to just address this, this is a huge void in my life. And if I don't heal from it… I don't want pity. I don't want sympathy. But I want to address it. I want to be able to talk about it and say 'this is what's held me back.' It's important.
Pity's kinda gross. I don't want pity right? When I pity somebody else, I'm like, 'Oh man, I hope they don't know that I pity them.' That would make them feel worse. I don't want that. I just want to be able to address it, to say 'this exists', Like I can't pretend it doesn't exist. Like that's it. It's pretty simple."
On those public perceptions, he also talked about his feelings about interacting online, and how it's important to ignore negative criticism and focus on what matters to him, like conversations around rehabilitation after incarceration.
"I post because of the necessity of just existing in this world. But, like, I've been very much off of social media because this anxiety that it gives me. I think part of me just has to get past that and just be like, you know whatever the criticism may be, I think there's conversations that can be had, even if there's the negative comments, right?
There's very important conversations around incarceration, around healing, around rehabilitation, like I just need to get out there and start having those conversations."
As for the future of As I Lay Dying, Lambesis was noncommittal, focusing instead on personal healing. "I don't really want to talk about the details of that," he said. "I do feel like my task right now is to be further down this healing path," adding, "the musical creation has never been the difficult part for me… my job is the least of my worries"
"For people that like As I Lay Dying already, I may not win over new fans or whatever, but for people that are like 'I wonder if the next As I Lay Dying album is going to be good?' or if whatever he does next is going to be good, of course it's going to be good if I just focus on my health and become the person that can create that and have a stable surrounding and good community around me, and that's what's gonna give it strength.
But I mean the musical creation has never been the difficult part for me. And that's like a weird thing right? Like you recall record label people or booking agents and they're like oh, "Well is Tim good at his job?" and they're like, 'Of course he's good at his job, but he's potentially a mess in other areas of life.' So it's like dude, my job is the least of my worries."
You can watch the full, hour-long podcast on YouTube here, with a part two seemingly to follow at some point soon, as Lambesis left a comment on the video saying, "Thank you for having me on the podcast and I'm looking forward to releasing part 2 when it's ready."
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