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Barbara's Wedding

God 60 days ago
The year is 2029 It's the night of the big celebration, Barbara and his wife, who insisted on a picture-perfect wedding. The perfect songs play, the perfect friends, the perfect scenery by the lake. It comes time for the perfect feast. The caterers in red tuxedos with with black trim present the foodstuffs. Barbara, grinning ear-to-ear walks forward with his wife for a meal of steak and sushi. They get closer, lifting the tin on the order in surprise and confusion. "What is this?" he thinks. "What are these appetizers? Southwestern eggrolls? Crispers? This main course of fajitas, huh? And dessert is... molten lava cake? What the f*ck is going on here?!" His wife grabs his arm, "They got the order wrong, lets not ruin the evening." "No," he insists. "This is... this is f*cking Chili's!" He knocks over a photo display of the couple's trip-'round-the-world. His new father-in-law interjects. "Calm down, son. I loved the food, the corn, so good stewed in butter. The ribs..." "This is microwaved garbage! What are we going to do next, play a game of Cornhole? Go to Vegas? Drink Pumpkin Spice at Starbucks? Buy a Christmas tree? Gender our child?" "I knew you were wrong for my Samantha," his father-in-law adds before walking away. The crowd of Bridesmaids and Groomsmen gather around on Barbara and try to calm him. Everyone reassures him Chili's is totally fine and the meal was great. In his inner monologue he thinks, "They're all basic bitches. But if these are my closest friends... maybe the basic bitch... Is me?" This thought makes him furious and he attempts to pull out his hair and knocks over a flower display. His best man takes his bride away to safety, leaving the premises. Sounding the Seventh Trumpet by Avenged Sevenfold begins to play on the onset of twilight, just as the groom requested. Through teary-eyes, frazzled hair and dripping mascara, vaguely representing The Crow or at least Sting, Barbara looks across the hall to see a member of the catering staff who he's never seen before but somehow is vaguely familiar. The man smiles holding his silver cane and putting on his aviators as he pushes his back out the door. Barbara is confounded before his jaw-drops in recollection.

theocean 60 days ago

Barbara 60 days ago
You could have microwaved three entrees in the time it took to type that.

carveyournamein 60 days ago

lurkcity 60 days ago
im swinging through for the eggrolls

timelordtwo 60 days ago

easyhateoven 60 days ago
lol wow

easyhateoven 60 days ago
gender our child!?

AnalButt 60 days ago

Inkongudunk 60 days ago

evil_hero 60 days ago

God 59 days ago
There is no end

Portslob 59 days ago
Lol good stuff

Portslob 59 days ago
easyhateoven 11 hours ago gender our child!? Never assume your child is male or female

easyhateoven 59 days ago
child, please