Blog•May 24, 2004 11:04 PM ET

the new kid on the block

Alright, so this family just moved into the new house across the street from mine. I was taking out the trash last night when their son comes over and introduces himself. He's eighteen years old and a preppy looking dude. So we talked about the usual bullshit until the topic turned to music. I asked him what kind of music he was into. And here's basically the conversation that followed:

him: Hmmm... I don't know. I like all kinds of stuff. I usually just go to Walmart and buy $1 CDs of '80s stuff.

me: Ok, that's cool. There was some decent stuff in the eighties...

him: What do you like?

me: Well, I like a bit of everything. But for the most part, I listen to heavy stuff.

him: [gives an inquisitive, confused look]

me: Stuff that most people get headaches over. Like hardcore and metal.

him: Oh, cool. Like Poison?

me: No, man... that's cheesy shit. I'm not talking heavy metal...

him: Whitesnake?

me: No. [laughing]... hardcore kind of evolved from groups like Black Flag and Minor Threat.

[crickets chirping]

me: Ummm, some of the bands are getting big these days, showing up on Ozzfest and stuff.

him: Oh, ok.

me: But I like other stuff too. [attempting to find common ground] Do you like Pink Floyd?

him: Yes!! I love his stuff. I have all of his albums.

me: Um, ok... cool. Anyway, nice talking to you.

So then he noticed the drumset I have sitting in my garage. I told him if he wanted to mess around on them sometime he was more than welcome. So today, as I'm having a sneezing fit outside, he walks over and asks to play. Three hours later, no fucking lie, and he's still in my garage playing. I did work in the yard and ate dinner. And he's still out there! He can't play for shit either, so it sounds like a four year boy banging on shit. Every ten minutes or so there will be like ten seconds of silence. At those points I think, ok, cool, he's done. But BAM!, the drums kick in again. So finally, after two hours, I went in the garage and told the dude I was getting a shower. He said, "ok, I'll just be out here jamming." I laughed and went inside. I could hear him playing as I was showering. Twenty-five minutes later and he's still out there. Boom, bop, crack, bop, bop, boom, crack... shut the fuck up. It's getting dark out. More importantly, I don't want the neighbors thinking that that's me playing so badly, haha. I'm giving him five more minutes and then I'm going to pick him up by the hair and throw him across the street. Boom, bop, bop, crack, splash...

32 comments

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Human_Circus_ 5/24/2004 8:57:33 PM

whitesnake is fcking HARDCORE.

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hass_ 5/24/2004 9:08:41 PM

that is truly an amazing story, guy.

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swellsucka_ 5/24/2004 11:03:09 PM

Kill the fcker dead.

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the_pope_ 5/24/2004 11:58:16 PM

yeah, you cant hate on the kid for trying to learn, but i guess i wouldnt just show up at a persons house i didnt know longer than a day and play their drumset for like 3 hours. that is like the ultimate annoyance and imposition.

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ugly old guy_ 5/25/2004 12:30:44 AM

STICK IT IN HER BUTT!

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buckwheat_ 5/25/2004 1:09:02 AM

Damn, I have those kind of music "conversations" all the time.

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chad_ 5/25/2004 2:16:38 AM

you should start a band with him! www.neverstopthefight.com

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evil hero_ 5/25/2004 4:57:03 AM

i love this blog.

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bort_ 5/25/2004 7:00:18 AM

kill him immediately

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erwhuntle_ 5/25/2004 8:01:01 AM

it was me!

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SHAT_ 5/25/2004 10:46:03 AM

threaten him with a shat crew beatdown that story is truly amazing hahahah

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john_doe_ 5/25/2004 10:47:13 AM

looks like you've got yourself a kramer there, seinfeld.

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kylehatesyou_ 5/25/2004 11:36:30 AM

tell him to eat aids

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kid across the street_ 5/25/2004 11:38:53 AM

i can't believe you've embarrassed me like this!

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xJessex_ 5/25/2004 1:55:28 PM

ahahahahahaha!!!!

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AcrossTheStreet-80sLuvr_ 5/25/2004 2:03:45 PM

Dude, mind if I come over and jam today, I'll repair any dings I put on your drumsticks.

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hass_ 5/25/2004 3:03:45 PM

haha, the blog even has gimmicks

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jonas_ 5/25/2004 4:47:19 PM

wait, you mean Pink Floyd isn't a guy's name?

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webmaster_ 5/25/2004 5:34:18 PM

stop fcking with ma blog

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boner from growing pains_ 5/25/2004 6:27:58 PM

this blog is the single most entertaining thing on the internet (well at the moment) i look forward to it each and every day...this is the best thing that has ever happened to lambgoat

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Pico_ 5/25/2004 6:33:54 PM

I never knew this section existed

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inimical_ 5/25/2004 7:25:37 PM

this is by far the funniest thing i've read all week

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Sekio_ 5/25/2004 8:10:38 PM

You're just too damn nice Mr. Webmaster! Your nice suburban white picketfence Paved driveway with an SUV and a basketball net beside a nice manucured lawn doesn't sound very hardcore. Or does that not describe your living conditions? You should put up a picture of your house so we can judge your hardcoreness.

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the nu-guy_ 5/25/2004 9:34:28 PM

Awful story, I think suicide is in order.

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portal_ 5/26/2004 1:01:26 AM

classic, simply classic

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portal_ 5/26/2004 1:05:43 AM

wait.....i just read that over again, he's 18 and that stupid,ignorant and annoying, i thought the kid was like 10 at first

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mouse_ 5/26/2004 4:44:40 AM

i dont get this blog

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Sekio_ 5/26/2004 9:17:41 AM

"Blog" is quite possiblt the stupidest word ever!

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nyhc25_ 5/26/2004 6:43:33 PM

hahahaha that's great... i hate those music conversations, i can never really find a good way to describe hardcore to people who have no clue what it is

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Marc_ 5/28/2004 3:37:31 PM

As a drummer, I feel the need to say that, even though your neighbor is a yuppy wank, we all have to start somewhere, right? Sure, he sucks now, but give him awhile. He'll get better, might get into heavier music, and ditch the cardigan! Just encourage hime buy his own drums.

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Hebrew Heater_ 5/29/2004 6:38:03 PM

boom chicka kat no read just reply

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anonymous 6/26/2009 11:04:46 AM

Webby. I miss stories like these :(

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