Blog•December 15, 2004 12:52 PM ET
A for irony
Some weeks I'm more inspired than others to write for this thing. As you may have guess, I've been rather uninspired as of late. For that I apologize. Oh well. I'll make an effort to improve at some point. I'm reminded of my junior year in high school. In English class we were required to complete a large presentation based on a topic of our own choosing. Our grade for the presentation would comprise 25% of our total grade for the class. This was important. So three weeks before the presentation day, our teacher called upon each one of us to state the subject matter of our presentation. I proudly called out, "procrastination." Everybody else had chosen mundane topics, such as 17th Century writing techniques, Billy Joel lyrics, and Indian literature. So the teacher seemed interested by my choice. One week rolls by. I've done nothing. Two weeks roll by. Nothing. Two and a half weeks... ok, I'd better start working on this thing. Oops, there's a party tonight that I must attend. So the day of the presentation arrives and I literally haven't lifted a finger. Luckily, I wasn't called upon during the first day of presentations, so I had an extra evening to prepare. Damn, my friend just brought over a bottle of Bacardi, which I'd better consume. Nothing done. The second day of presentations arrives and I'm called first. Without getting up, I sheepishly told the teacher that I didn't have anything to present as I was behind schedule. She looked at me with Medusa eyes. Ouch. The other kids looked at each other in horror. A few weeks later I got a big F for the presentation, and a D- overall in the class. I was disgusted at myself for being so lazy. However, after pondering the situation at great length, I came to the conclusion that I had made the ultimate statement. I had procrastinated, therefore not completed my project on procrastination. How much more effectively could I have communicated the concept of procrastination to my class? Exactly. I was fucking robbed. I'm still bitter to this day.