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Cattle Decapitation The Harvest Floor

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01. The Gardeners of Eden 02. A Body Farm 03. We Are Horrible People 04. Tooth Enamel and Concrete 05. The Ripe Beneath the Rind 06. The Product Alive 07. In Axestasy 08. Into the Public Bath 09. The Harvest Floor 10. Regret & the Grave
2009 Metal Blade Records
Our score 8

by Nick
1/22/2009

TO: Cattle Decapitation, Deathgrind Gurus FROM: Nick, Lambgoat Reviewer DATE: January 22, 2009 SUBJECT: Reimbursement Request for Damages Incurred Due to The Harvest Floor I've recently conducted studies linking your latest record, The Harvest Floor, to numerous physical, material, and emotional damages incurred by myself upon listening.As one of the first highly anticipated releases of 2009, your record was a source of much excitement, but it has been undeniably detrimental to numerous aspects of my life.Please reimburse in full for the following expenses: - Health Care, $150.67: Adding drummer David McGraw of Sleep Terror to the line-up has forced me to endure seemingly endless periods of emulating his immaculate fills and incredible double-bass work with my two forefingers on my desk during the work day.This has left my joints bruised and my ligaments strained -- I may never be able to pull off a 180 BPM forefinger double-bass roll with ease again.Yes, McGraw may be the perfect addition to the band, and he may be pushing Cattle Decapitation to even higher levels of greatness, but I still expect to be fully compensated for this atrocity. - Steam and Dry Cleaning, $87.92: The utmost precision in bass and guitar work on The Harvest Floor has caused me to inadvertently spill beverages and food in my home on three (3) separate occasions out of excitement.Although the raw approach and grittiness of your band's earlier days was appreciated, your continued musical progression and increased technical precision puts you at the top of the genre without contest.The nimble fretwork in "In Axestasy," the smooth, bass-driven intro of "Regret & the Grave," and the combination of brutal death metal riffs and jarring rhythms in "The Ripe Beneath the Rind" are only a few of the many moments of distinction throughout the record.Can you really blame me for accidentally spilling that glass of grape juice all over my living room rugI didn't think so. - General Emotional Damage, $500.00: When compared to Karma.Bloody.Karma, The Harvest Floor comes off as slightly more developed, with a focus on epic song swells.Take the opener, "The Gardeners of Eden," as an example.Its surprisingly strong attention to melody (after all, Cattle Decapitation records haven't necessarily been great sources of melody in the past) allows the track to flow and build toward a massive climax, proving that you're capable of displaying songwriting aspects other than mere technical prowess.And the haunting feel of the subdued title track, aided by the Jarboe's guest vocal spot, offers yet another example of your ability to concentrate on an album's mood, something that is definitely a rarity among other deathgrind acts.All of this -- the epic feel, the superb execution, the definitive mood -- has resulted in The Harvest Floor receiving an exorbitant amount of personal airplay in all situations including, but not limited to: meal preparation, evening car rides, and tranquil nights of love making.The resultMy girlfriend, despite already being surprisingly accepting of my metal addiction, has reached her limit and banished me to nights spent on the couch.I still have The Harvest Floor and the approval of smelly metalheads, but personal therapy sessions to rebuild my self-esteem don't come cheap these days. In summary, your selfish act of delivering a worthy follow-up to Karma.Bloody.Karma by continuing to push the boundaries of death metal and grindcore has been an infliction upon my previously stable personal life.Please provide the appropriate reimbursement of $738.59 (USD) accordingly.

63 comments

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Cattle Decap's Lawyer_ 1/22/2009 8:49:24 AM

f*ck that shiz, you ain't gittin' dolla one frum us!


shredtacular_ 1/22/2009 8:49:25 AM

first post, haven't listened yet, funny review


al_czervik_ 1/22/2009 9:36:46 AM

listened to it in its entireity the other night. this is a really f*cking good album, and nick didn't write that bad of a review.


shredlogic_ 1/22/2009 10:13:37 AM

Did anybody see Luke's (from sleep terror) myspace bulletin about this lol He's so bitter


ronnie d._ 1/22/2009 10:59:56 AM

great review nick, i LOL'd


KillYourself_ 1/22/2009 11:26:25 AM

About f*cking time they put a worthy record together!


zzz_ 1/22/2009 11:41:46 AM

Nice review... This album is a great example of what good songwriting can do for a death metal band...


cantfakethepunk_ 1/22/2009 12:01:48 PM

great tunes to listen to while i suck dck and swallow loads of c-m


zero_x_potentialF_ 1/22/2009 12:09:14 PM

Fun review, nice to see something different


panzram_ 1/22/2009 12:10:30 PM

All that glowing encomia for a mere 8/10?


shaolinbeardfaggotimtrind_ 1/22/2009 12:25:16 PM

oh, imagine that, a sucker reviewer giving this trite bullshit. i noticed you used the word "guru" as well. when you inevitably get aids, or if you have it, enjoy it. give it to shatima as well also. im trind


fvckyouyoufvckingfvck_ 1/22/2009 12:30:15 PM

well, i just might have to give this a listen.


DaveClinch_ 1/22/2009 12:38:32 PM

Neat review.


Antikrist_ 1/22/2009 1:08:02 PM

Pretty f*cking good album. The last track is great.


sacha from intronaut_ 1/22/2009 2:33:27 PM

Terrible band. We've turned down playing with these guys many times because their singer is a dck


HellhammerMario_ 1/22/2009 2:49:21 PM

Been meaning to give this album a spin. Good review.


HBDad_ 1/22/2009 2:53:10 PM

I agree with Nick in a review. My life is over! This is a solid CD and so far the best of the year by far (yes the year is still young).


xenosapien_ 1/22/2009 4:38:17 PM

Amazing album and a great review. But not one negative comment and only an 8? Psh.


municipalgayste_ 1/22/2009 5:31:02 PM

People should finally stop shitting on cattle after this. Yet another AMAZING album. This is f*cking flawless and super inventive. Awesome guest spots from Ross Sewage and Dino from dystopia/asunder and of course Jarboe. I can't say enough praise about this album. Its f*cking brutal, technical and creative. Cattle never disappoints.


i_am_fuck_ 1/22/2009 5:31:57 PM

Guys, guys, let's not forget that this band sucks.


anonymous 1/22/2009 6:00:31 PM

best album ive heard this year, so far


anonymous 1/22/2009 7:47:17 PM

the drums sound awful


cantfakethepunk_ 1/22/2009 8:11:50 PM

no, actually i dont suck dck, but this album does! what happened to this band. KarmaBloodyKarma was amazing


metal_duder_ 1/22/2009 8:12:29 PM

im so gonna get this record. i loved the review too. great band!


cantfakethepunk_ 1/22/2009 8:35:10 PM

im kidding, this album is great! im the one who sucks dck. come along dwayne, shove your chocolate lovestick in me!


m00k_ 1/22/2009 8:42:42 PM

LOL great review. Awesome album.


All of Lambgoat_ 1/22/2009 11:18:42 PM

Give us a real review next time. - All of Lambgoat


cantfakethepunk_ 1/23/2009 1:01:24 AM

sorry, but I'm not gonna get jocked into liking shit bands. this album is terrible


cantfakethepunk_ 1/23/2009 2:54:02 AM

i will however, jock a black c-ck into my little, tight pants wearing butthole.


arty_mcfarty_ 1/23/2009 6:24:06 AM

review was clever


scotty_ 1/23/2009 9:19:16 AM

that album cover made me laugh.


cantfakethepunk_ 1/23/2009 9:47:59 AM

holy shit im so f*ckin gay... i need c-m asap


yourfather_ 1/23/2009 12:01:51 PM

this was without a doubt the gayest f*cking review I have ever read. Good album though


optimusPRIME_ 1/23/2009 12:09:41 PM

something original? on lambgoat? I thought I died after reading that. great review. great cd.


cantfakethepunk_ 1/23/2009 1:15:02 PM

I can't wait till dwayne comes over and f*cks my ass


DWAYNE_ 1/23/2009 3:06:27 PM

IMMA BREAK DAT BACK AND f*ck DAT AZZ


you_love_emmure_ 1/23/2009 4:05:03 PM

"this was without a doubt the gayest f*cking review I have ever read. Good album though posted by yourfather () on 1/23/2009 12:01:51 PM" f*cking crybabies. Nick actually writes a good, original review and you shit on it. Best review I've ever read on lambgoat with the most accurate score. Good job Nick.


anonymous 1/23/2009 4:51:26 PM

that review was so f*cking gay


cantfakethepunk_ 1/23/2009 5:22:06 PM

you know how i like it dwayniebabi


junkfaceloserwithtits_ 1/24/2009 4:31:19 PM

i did a f*ck ton of heroin with the singer of this band a few years ago. we shared the same needle and i aint even kidding. gays.


anonymous 1/24/2009 7:33:39 PM

No one gives a f*ck you stupid name dropping junkie.


lord_gold_ 1/25/2009 9:25:11 AM

where'd the shit talk go, what the f*ck


Rob_ 1/26/2009 8:13:54 AM

Great job, Nick. Agreed 100%.


cantfakethpunk_ 1/26/2009 10:37:34 AM

im totally gay and so is this cd. i like emmure only


freakboy666_ 1/26/2009 2:58:09 PM

great review. i 'll have to check this out. Never really been fond, but review was interesting enough for me to check it out.


cantfakethepunk_ 1/26/2009 3:28:46 PM

who wants a dck massage? and by dck massage i mean a favor.


DWAYNE_ 1/26/2009 6:00:57 PM

I WANT A dck MASSAGE C'MERE GIRLPANTS KID! (cantfakethatisuckdck)


cantfakethepunk_ 1/26/2009 6:28:32 PM

mmm dwayne i love that big chocolate stick grinding all in my mouth.


cantfakethepunk_ 1/26/2009 6:47:18 PM

Emmure sucks dck too. f*ck you


DWAYNE_ 1/26/2009 11:12:21 PM

IMMA FILL DAT gay MOUF UP BITCH *explodes in cantfakethepunk mouth*


thereapersson_ 1/27/2009 4:38:43 AM

LOL! Hilarious f*cking review. Kudos, Nick, for the continued entertainment...


cantfakethpunk_ 1/27/2009 4:40:59 PM

i dunno who decides to get on here and pretend to be my girly little self. i love emmure and love to drink dwayne's stuff. i also love when people on lambgoat f*ck my mother, she is a total whore. id f*ck her myself but i just love love love dck and balls and cant get enough of choking on a long 12 inch shaft. i like shit porn.i hope to get into gay porn one day. i also like to get my tiny nuts stepped on, by anyone. f*ck my ass boyz!


DWAYNE_ 1/27/2009 5:54:12 PM

SHUT DA f*ck UP AND RIDE MY CHOCOLATE LUV STIK YOU LITTLE BETCH


Dwayne's Boyfriend_ 1/27/2009 7:53:41 PM

god damnit Dwayne. what have i told you! get you're f*cking ass back here. leave him alone. i want you all to myself tonight. stick you're 12 inch special all up in my mouth


DWAYNE_ 1/27/2009 10:46:51 PM

NAH NIGGA, DWAYNE AIN'T HELD DOWN BY NOBODY, DWAYNE A FREE NIGGA AND HE f*ck WUT HE PLEASEZ


VEGANBUTTFUCK_ 1/28/2009 3:25:58 AM

^^^^^whaaaaaaaaaa???^^^^^


DWAYNE_ 1/28/2009 5:16:56 AM

I WILL f*ck YO VEGAN AZZ, BETCH


^Schmucks^_ 1/28/2009 8:59:51 PM

If this is what they're heading towards in the future then f*cking hell yes gimmie more.


shredlogic_ 1/29/2009 9:38:36 AM

at one point the vocals sound like shredder's mutant snapping turtle from Ninja Turtles 2


anonymous 2/5/2009 5:45:43 AM

on the first track in the background vocals, it sounds like hes going TRIIIIIIIIIICK OR TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT


anonymous 2/9/2009 2:26:19 PM

i saw the singer of this band do a huge line of coke off a boa constrictor and then sodomise a fat girl while eating a arbys beef and cheddar


uh yeah nope_ 2/13/2009 8:01:09 AM

i really didn't like this album much when i heard it. karma was wayyy better.


fudge_ 6/2/2009 1:42:07 AM

an amazing album. I have been listening to them since To Serve Man was released, and this has been my favorite so far... However, this is the 3rd review that I have read talking about David McGraw on the album..he is their drummer but he is not on the album, it's Zach Ohren. Shit