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Austrian Death Machine Total Brutal

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01. Hello California 02. Get to the Choppa 03. Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers 04. All of the Songs Sound the Same 05. I Am a Cybernetic Organism, Living Tissue of (Metal) Endoskeleton 06. Come With Me If You Want to Live 07. What It's Like to Be a Singer at Band Practice. 08. Who Is Your Daddy and What Does He Do? 09. You Have Just Been Erased. 10. Broo-tal Song Idea 11. Here Is Subzero, Now Plain Zero 12. So Far, So Good, So Let's Talk About It 13. Screw You (Benny) 14. Why? 15. If It Bleeds, We Can Kill It 16. It's Not a Tumor 17. Not So Hidden Track
2008 Metal Blade Records
Our score 3

by Nick
8/29/2008

Let's be honest. Every member of the hardcore and metal scene's fanbase has, at one point or another, enjoyed a bout of laughter at the expense of Arnold Schwarzenegger's pitiful acting endeavors. Those in denial are simply too embarrassed to admit that they have once taken enjoyment in the output of Hollywood's most notorious one-liner machine. It's irrefutable that Kindergarten Cop was a bad movie staple of the early 90s. Total Recall was a ludicrous masterpiece of terrible. And who hasn't chuckled at Conan punching an unsuspecting camel in the brain Yet it doesn't take a comedy expert to point out that Arnold jokes are easily one of the most tread upon, overused, and stagnant topics for humor in the last decade or more. So when As I Lay Dying frontman Tim Lambesis unveiled a solo project titled Austrian Death Machine, a metalcore concept band based on Schwarzenegger himself, the metal world cringed, and rightfully so. Total Brutal might just be the most painfully dismal attempt at a comedy album in the history of modern music. Basing entire lyrics around Schwarzenegger quotes and singing in a fake accent are almost excusable when compared to the recurring "Ahnold" impressions strewn throughout the disc. It's like talent show night at an elementary school, only there are no camcorder-wielding parents to provide forced laughter. It is this complete failure to achieve anything reasonably close to enjoyable humor that makes it so difficult to admit that Total Brutal actually packs in a number of solid metalcore tracks. Lambesis' unapologetically straightforward songwriting method achieves as a joke band what peers like Parkway Drive and countless others have executed in sincerity. The tracks are fast. The riffs are catchy. The breakdowns are everywhere. And the guitar solos are blazing. Sure, it's all incredibly generic and overdone, but its content effectively renders all straightforward metalcore bands useless. Without all of the Schwarzenegger content, Total Brutal would be a very listenable, but ultimately forgettable metalcore record. But with the irritating voice impressions, worn out lyrical jokes, and overall style of pre-adolescent humor, this side project is too infuriating to be anything other than mindless garbage. Congratulations to Lambesis for displaying the dispensability of a large chunk of the current metalcore genre (which, ironically enough, includes As I Lay Dying), but a listening experience this painful boils down to just one thing: embarrassment for everyone involved. Bottom Line: Feel free to judge Austrian Death Machine's Total Brutal by its cover. It sports a number of bland but well-executed metalcore tunes, but sacrifices all listener enjoyment by delivering an excess of comedic misses in which none of the thesaurus entries for painful can accurately depict.

70 comments

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raider_fan_ 8/29/2008 11:41:32 AM

First post.


xpoopx_ 8/29/2008 11:44:27 AM

Spot on review. why not a 1/10?


notsobad_ 8/29/2008 12:33:52 PM

the skit parts might get old quick, but as for the music, it's better than 95% of the metalcore bands out there. i say give it a try if you're into metalcore.


anonymous 8/29/2008 12:38:59 PM

Total Recall a ludicrous masterpiece of terrible? Are you kidding?


Black_cock_sperm_ 8/29/2008 12:40:42 PM

this is the greatest thing to happen to music ever anywhere i love this album!!!!


bobby c_ 8/29/2008 12:43:56 PM

skits are horrible but the arnie film lyrics are the best thing about the album. i'd much rather listen to a dude sing "get to the choppa" than "my girlfriend dumped me now i'm crying to sleep every night"


piecemaker_ 8/29/2008 12:55:45 PM

i mean looking back at total recall now... sure its pretty awful but it's still amazing at the same time. that tends to be the case with most arnold movies. well all of them really. awful yet great.


_mapexdrummer__ 8/29/2008 2:19:52 PM

this place is writhing with fanboy gays


tylerdurdentylerdurden_ 8/29/2008 2:22:34 PM

Why?


dickwad_ 8/29/2008 3:07:13 PM

So reviewer man Nick here admits that he thinks the music is better than most metalcore bands who are serious, but can't enjoy the Arnold movies. What a nut job! Kindergarden Cop & Totall Recall were very entertaining... so is what I've heard of this album.


Nick_ 8/29/2008 3:19:23 PM

Reading isn't really your specialty, is it dckwad?


XOmeletX_ 8/29/2008 3:21:15 PM

Of all the music released, this got reviewed?


Nick_ 8/29/2008 3:35:25 PM

You've got to review the garbage once in a while to give weight to high scores, otherwise everyone complains about everything getting an 8/10. Come to think of it, everyone just complains about everything.


axempire_ 8/29/2008 4:24:31 PM

*Total Recall is a masterpiece *Kindergarten Cop is a fantastic movie staple of the early 90s


Kenny_ 8/29/2008 4:36:30 PM

I loved this album. I loved the music and the humor. This is a dumb post, but any publicity is good publicity. Kenny


sbds_ 8/29/2008 4:37:57 PM

nick, you shouldn't be so sensitive towards what these 15-18 year olds are posting. even if they are over the age of 18, most of the people that visit lambgoat.com are immature idiot suburbanite spoiled little pieces of shit that think they're tough because of the music they listen to. should you really be sensitive towards what people who don't matter think? no


colorbrown_ 8/29/2008 4:40:53 PM

I cannot believe this album is real...who thought this was a good idea???


hatredoftheliving_ 8/29/2008 4:54:12 PM

this sucks, but is anyone surprised? boring, cliched metalcore (redundant?) from the fruit from as i lay crying


Arnold_ 8/29/2008 5:05:35 PM

WHY ARE THERE NO SONGS ABOUT MY SMASH HOLIDAY HIT JINGLE ALL THE WAY NOW OUT ON DVD!


wolfpack_ 8/29/2008 5:08:00 PM

what are you a f*cking queer...go watch terms of endearment you f*cking gay.


total brutal_ 8/29/2008 5:14:30 PM

nick take some total brutal up your ass


rice_ 8/29/2008 5:54:20 PM

umm... f*ck you


rice_ 8/29/2008 5:57:44 PM

just to clear this up the f*ck you was to all the as i lay dying / austrian death machine haters both of them are great bands and more importantly you call it just a joke well then lets see you be better than a joke


What?_ 8/29/2008 6:11:35 PM

Dude. There are a bunch of Arnold movies that I totally love. Total Recall was an awesome movie. Predator? Terminator? The Running Man? Sure, they're a little over the top, but so is every tough guy hardcore band ever, and you babies don't seem so set against that shit.


anonymous 8/29/2008 6:21:44 PM

nobody is against arnold movies. it's incredibly shitty arnold impersonations that blow ass. which, coincidentally, means that this cd does as well.


XnothingisrealX_ 8/29/2008 6:34:34 PM

Spot on review (though I'd give it 0/10) f*ck this dude in his christ loving jerk


g_ 8/29/2008 8:31:23 PM

funny people get butt hurt off shitty reviews of shitty music.


drewcifer_ 8/29/2008 8:39:07 PM

what, total recall was awesome.


drewcifer_ 8/29/2008 8:40:06 PM

"The tracks are fast. The riffs are catchy. The breakdowns are everywhere. And the guitar solos are blazing. Sure, it's all incredibly generic and overdone, but its content effectively renders all straightforward metalcore bands useless." this is exactly how i feel about the album and as a result, would've given it a 5 or 6.


jerseyislame_ 8/29/2008 9:07:44 PM

did any of you actually read this review?


LIGHTEN UP_ 8/29/2008 9:18:47 PM

Im pretty sure this cd is supposed to be fun, and not taken too seriously. Especially in the realms of adding to or taking away from modern metal... BAD review. If this dude (and many of you haters) cant laugh at 1 liners then you are Too Cool For School!


jesus_ 8/29/2008 9:27:55 PM

"The best way to get your CD reviewed is to just make it a good CD."


Boris_ 8/29/2008 10:46:50 PM

Sehr Brootal!


guff_ 8/29/2008 11:43:28 PM

What a piece of shit review. Speak for yourself when you say "the metal world cringed." The metal world is ecstatic you menial bum. This album is sick, and funny. It's such a great idea. So f*ck all u haters


widd_ 8/30/2008 1:08:40 AM

I liked what I have heard so far. Nick stop speaking for the "metal world" and just give your opinion. Reading this review has painfully boiled down to just one thing: embarassment for those who take themselves or their opinions too seriously.


NICK SUCKS_ 8/30/2008 1:54:01 AM

NICK DOESNT KNOW SHIT ABOUT METAL AND PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT HIS OPINION WALK OFF A SKYSCRAPER. MY PROBLEM WITH THIS IS THE FIRST PARAGRAPH..ARNOLDS MOVIES ARE INSANE.. TERMINATOR 1 AND2??????? PREDITOR????????? COMMANDO????????????????? f*ck OFF CONAN IS AMAZING. IM GONNA MAKE A CD ON HOW NICK SUCKS SO MUCH c-ck. .lololol


XihateeverybandX_ 8/30/2008 2:07:20 AM

Stop being so serious about every band. This album is funny, take it for what it is. lighten up! Get to the choppa.


XChewyChipsAhoyX_ 8/30/2008 2:17:10 AM

You lost me at "As I Lay Dying frontman....", Nick.


g0dseth_ 8/30/2008 4:46:21 AM

10/10 best album


you're trying way too har_ 8/30/2008 6:51:15 AM

Way to take this seriously, Nick! Congratulations on making yourself look foolish.


xnotsoedgex_ 8/30/2008 12:23:59 PM

where is you gay god now, tim?


kyle_ 8/30/2008 2:03:27 PM

i think the reviewer needs to suck a fat ass dck for a low review. this cd minus the skits is the shit. tim is a talented f*ck for playing all and doing all for the album. whatever though must have a shitty taste of music


solideogloria_ 8/30/2008 5:02:07 PM

only a 12 year old with shitty taste in music would find this humorous or good in any sort of way. Of course, that's exactly the demographic for this atrocity. does metal blade even try and release anything decent anymore?


anonymous 8/30/2008 6:06:51 PM

the guy that wrote this needs to get sand out of the vjayjay


Aya_ 8/30/2008 7:47:25 PM

I see your point, but I can’t really agree with you. This album, in fact, stands out largely because of its funny content, and it has already been warmly received by Metal & Arnold fans… You’ve got it all wrong, man.


YouGotScanned_ 8/31/2008 2:34:44 PM

Have you listened to Tim Lambesis talk, or read his interviews? He seems to be the most stale, boring, and uncreative person in the genre. Everything that comes out of his mouth is an uninteresting and predictable cliche. A comedic failure like this is NO SURPRISE! But I'm glad he put it out - now some people will have their eyes opened.


wizardsbeard_ 8/31/2008 4:10:41 PM

Now, a metalcore album dealing with Arnold's failed education policies - now THAT would be funny.


chainsawd_ 8/31/2008 6:59:49 PM

don't care about the music. reviewer doesn't like arnold movies, and that's just f*cking lame.


John_ 9/1/2008 1:26:53 AM

Nick/the rest of the writers on lambgoat, It's quite clear that as soon as any "metal" band experiences more success than the shitty bands you guys used to play in you immediately trash their albums and talk about how terrible they are. Unless you are a doomy art metal band, obscure black metal band, or Converge you're just asking for a bad/unjust review. It's a shame these reviews have become so predictable and useless.


thealmightyjim_ 9/1/2008 7:32:53 AM

i heard a song on the radio. it was boring


xxxboxxx_ 9/1/2008 12:02:05 PM

what i wouldn't give to tear off tim's fat head


_socrates__ 9/2/2008 1:32:10 AM

you'd have to be a real jerk to listen to this


deeznutS_ 9/2/2008 3:47:29 AM

f*cking horrible regardless if it has to do with arnold or not


solideogloria_ 9/2/2008 7:39:12 PM

the only thing worse than a joke band is an unfunny joke band.


the incredible Bulk_ 9/3/2008 3:24:51 PM

"Nick/the rest of the writers on lambgoat, It's quite clear that as soon as any "metal" band experiences more success than the shitty bands you guys used to play in you immediately trash their albums and talk about how terrible they are. Unless you are a doomy art metal band, obscure black metal band, or Converge you're just asking for a bad/unjust review. It's a shame these reviews have become so predictable and useless." I agree, This album is nasty, its not reinventing the wheel by any str


charles_nelson_ 9/11/2008 1:21:49 PM

i like this shit more every time i hear it. its great. nick your just a non funny knowing gay. shits 10/10


farrow fafa_ 9/12/2008 5:47:15 AM

hey. thats bullshit. I LOVE IT OKAY! f*ck u!


brettt_ 9/12/2008 5:50:38 AM

austrian death machine is the greatest band in the world man. it's f*cking hilarious. we need something hilarious dude. what a gay.


The dick in Nicks mouth_ 9/18/2008 3:15:04 PM

Cry me a f*ckin river. My metal is more metal than your metal..... Let me guess Nick, your a fat, zitty, nerded out meat gazer that never leaves your cpu\xbox. its pretty easly to cast judgment on those that do WAY more than you. cause if you dont do shit (other than write stupid, close minded reviews), than theres no reason to bitch. Go f*ck a belt sander, you scenster pssy. And I bet you wear girl pants too, you Hot Topic gay.


anonymous 9/21/2008 6:24:27 AM

"its pretty easly to cast judgment on those that do WAY more than you" OKAY, point a. casting judgment is his job ( and the reason you come to this site ) "cause if you dont do shit (other than write stupid, close minded reviews), than theres no reason to bitch." point b. we should have a term for this....you know, when someone complains about something, but in doing so, commits that very same offense they were ranting about in the first place......we should call it hypocrisy


xsuckmyballsnickx_ 9/23/2008 3:37:27 AM

nick pull the stick out of your ass AND when you do you can bitch about your NOT musically inclined and how your lack of talent and respect for anything other then the c-ck in your ass are shitty eat a dck..... yours truely the biggest jerk EVER


matt_ 10/17/2008 9:40:25 PM

Your review on Austrian Death Machine was way off. In fact, Nick sounds more like an old fart than a metal head. Oh well, we all have opinions. Mine is obvious; Austrian Death Machine ROCKS. Super Funny. I sent most of my close friends their url as soon as I saw their page, it was so funny. ~Matt the Brat


Dizzle_ 11/6/2008 1:37:39 PM

Let's not overlook that Tim Lambesis recorded, drums, guitar, bass, and vocals on this. I don't know of anyone who can play all of these to that skill level. It's a amazing. Past that the album rocks! It's not supposed to be epic like the black album. It's supposed to be funny, while just jammin on some rockin tunes. I'm diggin it. Neigh-sayers just chill out. The guy is amazing.


LP_ 11/6/2008 2:00:14 PM

It's true that the musical and recording/mixing skill level of Tim Lambesis is amazing, and for what this album was intended to be, which was a humorous metal album, it is excellent. If it wernt for the goofy Arnold impersonations and references This could be a decent, legitimate album. Let's not overlook that Tim Lambesis recorded, drums, guitar, bass, and vocals on this. I don't know of anyone who can play all of these to that skill level. It's a amazing. Past that the album rocks! It


Demonslayer_ 11/24/2008 7:37:57 PM

Metalcore?? Total Brutal is spot on tongue-in-cheeck THRASH/SPEED METAL! If you can't enjoy the intensity of these tunes, then you are not a thrasher. Slipknot is metalcore err metalcrap...


KoRn_Munky_ 12/15/2008 12:08:42 PM

Im not sure what this dude is smoking but these guys are way metal, Id give them an 8 or 10, i mean face it, Arnold kicks ass, a METAL band about Arnold KICKS ASS. Its better then that emotional shit about cutting their wrists and crying in the corner. Besides, this guy might write reviews, but the public knows what they want, and thats more AUSTRIAN DEATH MACHINE!


shadow_ 8/10/2009 9:58:19 PM

Its a joke CD. Chill guys. We all know you listen to the truest, most brootal hxC and teh darkest death metal on teh planet.


awakener_ 1/25/2011 8:06:56 PM

the metal world cringed? really? what a jackoff


awakener_ 1/25/2011 8:09:55 PM

and also Total Recall totally f*cking owned! all these reviewers on this site are f*cking douches.


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