AlbumsNovember 29, 20118,173 views

Jonin The Secret


01. The Secret 02. Heel 03. Smaller 04. Gathering 05. Liar 06. Shoals 07. Flood 08. Shameless 09. The March 10. Breathing 11. The Embrace
2007 Tribunal Records
Our score 2

1/3/2008

In a world where Wolfmother can make a career doing Led Zeppelin covers, anything is possible. But a nu-metal revival band I know. I welled up thinking about it, too. Jonin's debut, The Secret, has it all: David Draiman vocals, chunky riffing, guitar squeals, lyrics so asinine they aren't even funny, and lazy (if downright inept) drumming. The only sign of any slight progression from nu-metal is the inclusion of "classic arena rock" solos to the mix. (Although, I'm pretty sure they meant "dated, stale and possibly stolen from Killswitch Engage" instead of "classic.") I can't decide if the band still thinks nu-metal is fertile creative ground, or if they're genuinely nostalgic for the late 90's. And either way, The Secret is so full of tired song writing I'm exhausted just listening to it. The vocalist tries REALLY hard to sound like Maynard James Keenan on the droning "Liar," (and much of the album.) Now, I'm no metal purist. I'm fine with clean, melodic vocals. But any emotional impact or conviction is lost amidst the worst abuse of protools I've ever heard. Matt from Killwhitneydead shows up on "Shameless" to add a couple seconds of what almost feels like urgency to the album. Unfortunately, this happens just past the midway point, and the sudden harsh vocals are so bizarre that it's not even a case of "way too little, way too late," - it's a case of "why bother" The few times Stuart Smith breaks his monotony of Maynard-mimicry to try out some harsher vocals, he just sounds like a castrated Jonathan Davis. So, fine. Jonin really want to be a new strain of nu-arena rock. Statistically speaking, these guys have to accidentally produce something either somewhat catchy or funny during the 50 minutes of the album. Not so. It seems like "The Secret" was designed to stay a secret, and thankfully so. Bottom Line: I can only hope Jonin set out to create a nu-metal parody with The Secret. But even if they did, they neglected to let anybody else in on the joke. At any rate, my Momma always said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." So: When we finally master time travel, Jonin have a career as a sub-par nu-metal band waiting for them in 1997.

28 comments

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david_ 1/3/2008 2:47:34 PM

foist poist


ion_stasi_ 1/3/2008 2:52:16 PM

lowest goat rating ever?


pinkmaggiit_ 1/3/2008 3:12:36 PM

this is pretty f*ckin terrible.


anonymous 1/3/2008 3:49:35 PM

why was this even reviewed?


din_ 1/3/2008 3:51:28 PM

^^^


anonymous 1/3/2008 3:57:38 PM

This band f*cking slays.


anonymous 1/3/2008 4:10:56 PM

I TOOK A LOT OF VIAGRA PILLS AND NOW I HAVE A CONSTANT ERECTION


chortle_ 1/3/2008 4:55:58 PM

Tool - nu-metal? Now who's being naive!


deathcoresucks_ 1/3/2008 6:26:04 PM

This review made me laugh. I don't care if it wasn't necessary. Nu-metal + bad review = humor.


JONIN THE BARBERIAN_ 1/3/2008 7:06:51 PM

JONIN are able to seamlessly blend the modern melodic attack of bands like Soilwork, Tool and Into Eternity with the pomp of Eighteen Visions while harnessing the aggression of In Flames and Killswitch Engage.


boners_ 1/3/2008 8:15:54 PM

LAMBGOAT'S ALBUM OF THE YEAR.


cameo_ 1/3/2008 9:13:43 PM

best reviewed record of 08


arty_mcfarty_ 1/3/2008 10:07:06 PM

why was this even reviewed? posted by () on 1/3/2008 3:49:35 PM its too bad, cause i was just about to run out and get this, but not NOW!!


SunnyvaleTrash_ 1/3/2008 10:42:27 PM

lol @ time machine comment


swampthang_ 1/3/2008 11:34:25 PM

tribunals gay, jonins gay, and this review was sweet


anonymous 1/4/2008 1:00:21 AM

I'm amazed that someone even bothered to record this f*cking tripe, much less release it.


anonymous 1/4/2008 1:13:00 AM

lambgoat reviews some weird shit. and sometimes fails to review pretty big releases


DCR_ 1/4/2008 3:25:25 AM

Sounds like Matt Tribunal was the only reason this album review made it to Lambgoat.


de_ 1/4/2008 6:51:00 AM

I actually kinda want to there this now. nU-MeTalz 4 lYfe!


dibky_ 1/4/2008 10:12:59 AM

no read but lol @ the 2


rocksteady_ 1/4/2008 12:03:02 PM

lol @ It seems like "The Secret" was designed to stay a secret, and thankfully so.


myeyeshavevisualAIDS_ 1/4/2008 6:07:42 PM

lol @ "favorite track: n/a". being from NC, i've seen this band. this review is spot-on.


tehgorz_ 1/5/2008 12:26:55 AM

wow what a f*cking bad album and f*cking even worse review.


anonymous 1/8/2008 1:52:55 PM

premonitions of war was so f*cking tight. unrelated, but i'd rather think of POW then read this dumbass review


anonymous 1/9/2008 11:35:15 PM

When the singer of Jonin sings on Killwhitneydead songs, he actually has a pretty kickass voice. Then I listen to their own shit and it's lame. Which is funny, because The Demonstration is way better than KWD. I know that's like Batman being way better than Bruce Wayne, but it's true in the same way. This shit brings hard sucking. Of c-cks.


Ninja_ 1/11/2008 9:26:08 AM

This review is cut & dry straight truth. I've seen this band, heard the cd and Jonin are one of the most over-rated acts in the Raleigh, NC area. If you think the cd is pompous yet boring DO NOT waste your money on seeing these guys live, they bring nothing to the stage but dry personalities to go with stale music.


See You In Hell_ 1/13/2008 2:52:27 PM

Wow. That was a pretty harsh review, and while I will admit that Jonin aren't particularly my style or by any means a GREAT band, I would have to disagree with a few parts of this review.I don't find the drumming to be that lazy or inept really.In certain parts the drumming is subtle but if you listen closer there is some downright interesting stuff going on, especially on "The March" and "Shameless.I also don't see the lyrics to be that asinine, oddly enough I think the vocals on "Shameless" ar


metalmassacre_ 1/16/2008 1:26:32 AM

I too thought the review was a bit harsh until I searched and listened to the songs on their myspace page. Now, I think the review is pointless and wonder why it was even done. Trapt have this shit nailed and someone needs to let the guitarists know that the 80's are over and it's a good thing. Nu-metal is a compliment to these fools passing themselves off as an actual band.