What's up Lambgoat! Since we spoke last the tour has been rolling forward with few hiccups, playing shows in Germany, Holland, Belgium and France. Belgium is definitely one of the most beautiful countries I've ever seen with most cities sporting old cobblestone streets and canals. Many of the cities also feature mind blowingly seedy red light districts where you can stroll down the street while lines of girls in glass windows wave and beckon. When we were in Gent we walked around checking out the scene and got seperated for 20 minutes while a row of pimps glared at me.

The skate contest we played in Munster (detailed in the entry currently locked on my computer) ruled super hard as did a bomb shelter show three stories below ground in Aachen, Germany. The shelter has been a squat for 15 years or so and along with hosting punk shows and electronic music parties they are working on building a boxing ring, recording studio and practice spaces. The government wants to kick them out, but legally can't because of German squaters rights... totally insane.

Another highlight was meeting up with Seasick and Killin it, both from NJ, to party for a few days. The best show of the run was easily Trashfest last weekend in the Netherlands. The town was tiny and the fest brought in 500 kids and 50 bands over four days, basically taking the entire town over. We pretty much ran the only supermarket out of beer and it wasn't long before we discovered the towns "coffee shop" which sold good sized joints of weed and hash for around $6 each and small baggies for even cheaper. The best bands on our day were Glasses and Monster.

Last night I got shredded with a bunch of French maniacs and it was a blast. We drank wine, partied on a beach and blasted Motorhead. Some kid asked if I was in the Scorpions. Some girl drove me home at four AM and I just woke up on the floor. Party on...

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I dare you to watch this video, or at least the last 30 seconds - http://perezhilton.com/2009-06-22-my-statement

Perez Hilton attacks people on a daily basis via his stupid website. Now he gets punched a few times (by the Black Eyed Peas manager, apparently) and is acting as if he is a victim of some unspeakable crime, akin to an abused child or a battered wife. Perez, I'll give you the same advice everyone gives me: shut down your stupid fucking blog.

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I have a long update written up on the first two weeks of mainland Europe that involves some sick shows with Misery Index and Government Warning, strippers, naked Swedish lesbians and skateboarding. Unfortunately that update is stuck on my laptop which is currently experiencing technical difficulties. Im hoping to get that fixed soon, but in the meantime I wanted to pop on here to say that tour rules, the red light district in Gent, Belgium is total insanity, and encourage any Euros reading this to come party with us at trash fest this week!

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Since I have nothing further to offer on the Jon and Kate Gosselin front, we thought it would be cool to have Ramming Speed drummer Jonah Livingston blog about the group's current European tour. As you may have noticed, the band recently signed with Candlelight Records, so you'll be hearing much more from them in the coming months.

June 3, 2009 - Hello from Berlin! We just played our fourth show of this monster two month tour last night and already things are going amazingly. To back up a bit, we started off May 26th with four days in Iceland, two days of hanging out/exploring (photo) and two days of playing. While known mostly for rotton shark and cold winters, not many people realize that summer time in Iceland is prime party season. With about 22 hours of daylight these maniacs brought us to a house party (photo) with the midnight sun still high in the sky (photo) before calling a cab to hit the bars downtown at 4am (again, still light out).

We literally never saw darkness (photo) during our stay there and with a drinking culture that would make fratboys squeemish, the four days were a very disorienting adventure. After getting kicked out of the town's only Irish bar around 6 in the morning (photo), one of our guitar players hit our bass player (photo) in the head with a pint glass (he was "asking for it") and our singer hit me in the face with a bottle ("by mistake"). I woke up the next day around 1 in the afternoon to an earthquake, so we got up and headed to the blue lagoon (photo) to soak off legendary hang overs and bruises.

The two shows we played in the town were fucking off the wall. Kids were literally tearing the ceiling down, jumping off bookshelves and headbanging like maniacs. Someone grabbed a 10 minute video of the madness thats already on Youtube:

The bar show the next night was equally rowdy and as soon as the gig was over we packed our shit up and headed to the airport for our Iceland-Germany flight. We have to get back in the van to head to Sweden now but I'll try and get an update on Germany written up asap! For the time being, imagine a land where anarchist punks run the best and biggest venues in every town. It fucking rules.

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Sources close to Jason Hummel, the brother of Jon Gosselin's lover, Deanna, state that Hummel installed a camera in his sister's bedroom and captured his sister and Jon Gosselin having sex. If this is true, it seems sketchy for several reasons. It wouldn't surprise me though. Hummel was reportedly paid $40,000 for the grainy video of Jon Gosselin leaving Deanna's house, and as we all know, money is a great motivator.

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It's time for my monthly bow to soccer moms everywhere with another Gosselin update.

By now most people have seen the US Weekly article with pictures of Jon and another woman at Legend's in Reading, PA. The notion that he's been screwing around doesn't sit well with some, while others are quick to congratulate him for sticking it to Kate. What many people don't know is that, according to my reliable sources, Kate was actually the first one to start a relationship outside of the marriage. She initally had a thing going with a member of the TV crew assigned to them by TLC. Various reports around here say that it wasn't a member of the crew, but rather a security guard protecting the family. Either way, she threw the first "punch," not Jon.

The good news is I drove by their house on Sunday (this does not require any effort, just so you're clear) and somebody was pulling weeds, so the yard is still getting attention! Additionally, there were two tents set up in the backyard, so I'm assuming that the family had a little campout thing going on over the weekend. Then again, perhaps that's where Jon is currently sleeping.

Jon recently bought a car at the same dealership where I got mine. This is essentially the car he bought. Jon has apparently also been telling people that he will soon have a TLC spin-off show titled "Dear John." We shall see.

Meanwhile, during the past month, Kate has been spotted at both Target and Victoria Secret. Exciting stuff, huh!? I'm probably going to shut Lambgoat.com down soon and launch Lambgosselin.com.

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Earth is at an ever-increasing risk of being wiped out by a disaster such as sudden nuclear war, a genetically engineered virus, or other dangers. I think the human race has no future if it doesn't go into space. - Stephen Hawking

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I'm an extremely sarcastic person. I had always (self-servingly) associated sarcasm with intelligence. A standard joke or barb is too easy, so why not add a layer of complexity with a sarcastic joke? Processing sarcasm, either delivering or detecting, required additional brain cells.

Today I stumbled upon this (courtesy of Psychology Today):

So why do wisecrackers keep their bons mots coming at the risk of alienating others? Though they may not be aware of it, sarcasm is their means of indirectly expressing aggression toward others and insecurity about themselves. Wrapping their thoughts in a joke shields them from the vulnerability that comes with directly putting one's opinions out there. "Sarcastic people protect themselves by only letting the world see a superficial part of who they are," says Steven Stosny, a Washington, D.C.-based therapist and anger specialist. "They're very into impression management."

Perhaps. Ironically, this entire blog entry may be an attempt to further manage impressions by giving you the impression that I'm comfortable with the opinion expressed above. Then again, if I'm secure with my insecurities, am I even insecure to begin with?

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The Haunted frontman Peter Dolving had the following to say about the band's North American tour with The Agonist and Merauder, which kicks off this week.

"Seriously folks. You could go out and see any of a number of bands in the next four weeks. What you'll receive will of course be generic deliverance of generic metalcore by the numbers and certainly you won't be more than slightly disappointed. The big one this time around out there being the Lamb Of God tour. Which will according to business-planned management crawl itself around the North Americas for the next year and a half or so like a big snake. You could dig that shit and think ‘Holy mutherfucking hell! That shit rocks!' or you could go and see the Haunted once and for all prove what metal is all about. But only if you want to have a good time. Only if you want to feel alive. Only if you like that feeling of actually realizing everything is not fucked utterly and beyond belief. But I guess if you are a sad, self-pitying son of a bitch you won't go. Oh what the hell, really, don't go. Most of those who read this don't really give a shit anyway do you? You'd rather stay in a saline filled tank fed intravenously with a constant intake of whatever, whoever carries the biggest gun and wad of dollars has to say wants to feed you.

"You know how fucking sick we are of the bullshit that surrounds trying to tour and survive in a market completely oversaturated. You know there are 50 shit bands out there to every good one. And no, I'm not saying YOUR band is shit. I'm just stating a fact, one we all know is true. I kinda feel bad for everyone who's caught in the middle of it, promotors, PR people, marketers. Sure there's plenty of work, but it sure as fuck must be getting to people. All the horseshit involved with bringing the next ironic bunch of just out of high-school dooods with the right tattoos or t-shirt based identikit to the stage. And when they get there it's the same shit as the one before. What do I know. Maybe it will all mutate into something completely new. Something else that the wolves can sink their teeth into and suck empty of lifeblood. Come on people. Do you think that is going to happen? Of course it will. Hopefully there will be those bands out there that just keep going. No matter what. As far as we're concerned. Fuck it all. We are touring the North America again and we're looking forward to it. If you want a world class performance and a kick ass night of metal come and see us. If not, fuck off."

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Does anybody remember Divide The Day? We used to cover them somewhat because they released an album with Pluto Records and were remotely (very remotely) "heavy." Well, since then, they've embraced rock (think James Hart) and write music I'd be embarrassed to be caught listening to. This is apparently exactly what big labels are looking for, because the group has now signed with Universal Republic. Obviously I don't like their music, but congratulations to them and stuff. Hope it works out.

Anyway, now you know. You'll never see them mentioned on this site again. You can keep up with them on your own here.

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